Shining Brighter Than Ever

Archive for the ‘Welfare & Awareness’ Category

Depression

When your loved one tells you that something is wrong with you then he or she may be right.

My husband was damn straight with me and told that I am in depression two months after having Lily. I couldn’t tolerate him for telling such a thing about me and I would either cry or yell at him everytime he brings it up.

My mom was with me for the first two months. Then I started taking care of Lily without any help. I don’t know when the depression hit me but I was not interested to go out for dining or doing anything pleasant for myself or for my husband’s sake. One month rolled on and Lily started rolling over. Then the flat head and torticollis came in. I am now sure that I would have started having depression right at that moment.

I still remember the day when I cried alone in the sofa and my husband didnt even had any clue that I was all worried and getting into bad state. He tried consoling me but it just went downhill. I was never in a position to hear the consolation about Lily. I was trying to face it and he just didn’t understand. All I thought was that he didn’t care for me or Lily which made me sick even more. It was the time before we went for 4th month visit.

When he started giving her the exercises, I really hated myself for thinking so low about him. Whenever I saw the progress in Lily, my eyes were filled with tears. We went to India for vacation and still whenever we gathered for family events, I didn’t enjoy much let alone going out to do anything fun. I told my mom sometime about this and the reply was simple, “it will be like that when you have a baby until they turn one year”. I believed it as like all the other Indians.

Again we came back to US and this time I started worrying about Lily’s food habits. My husband analysed all my behaviors. Not going out, not laughing or smiling as I did before Lily came, not cracking jokes, crying or yelling at him for silly things often, shouting at him everytime instead of asking him to help, and never tried to contact friends or family other than my mom and in-law, never listened to songs or watch a movie, in short never tried to enjoy my life with my husband and Lily. All the laugh or smile that came from me are only because of my baby at that time. Whenever the question about mom not being pleasant for the past 2 weeks comes during the monthly visits for Lily, I always answered “No” though I know it was not the case. I read about the signs of depression which was all of the above and told me exactly what I was going through but I gave reasons that I am fine.

After all this, he tried to make me do something that I like. He started telling me to go to gym and vent it out. I couldn’t do it because of the routine I had at that time and yelled at him that he never understood how much work I have been doing.

Then he did it indirectly by getting a nike fuelband and going to gym daily. I felt like being left alone so I started waking up a little early than usual and went to gym. I felt great. But that was not enough. He took us for vacation to Hawaii and LA. I started getting my life back but still something was missing. My need for spending time for myself.

He bought me a kindle, a lovely gift. I read lots of books in short span. I started listening to my favorite songs while doing my chores, started watching comedy especially romantic comedy movies :), started to laugh and smile for my husband’s silly jokes, started to gain patience, doing origami, and blogging while Lily takes her nap, getting in touch with friends and making new friends.

Slowly I started realizing that my husband was right from the beginning that something was wrong with me. Now I know why some of the moms are so frustrated or annoyed with their husbands after having a baby. It is not that they couldn’t take care of the baby alone but they need others to care for them too and their own time for relaxation to do something that they love. I could now relate why many get into family feuds in India. The mom need lots of attention especially from their husband.

All I wanted to say is, depression is kind of disease that you will never know when you caught it and you will never accept that you are having it. You will just give some damn reasons for your bad moods. Good mood is when you stay quiet and doing nothing.

And if you think that someone is depressed, don’t ever tell them that word though they were giving it a thought. It will just make them hate you even more and yell at you. That is what happened for my husband. Thank God that he started trying indirectly to make me committed to something that I love else I wouldn’t know in what condition I will be in. If my husband had ever been angry about my rudeness, he wouldn’t have stayed in my life. But he stayed calm and strong with me, took care of me, learned and helped me come out of it. I love him more than ever.

Never ever let your loved ones down because they need you more than you can think of.

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Torticollis

My life was smooth until my baby was 2 months old and then everything started going upside down like a roller coaster.

At first I noticed that my dear daughter had a flat head on the right side. I immediately started googling and the answers came out consoling that it is very common and it will go by changing the position of the baby while sleeping for every 30 minutes, holding the baby without applying too much pressure on the head while awake or letting the baby on the floor and make them turn in the opposite direction. Easy, right? I told my husband and he said I am over thinking about it. Maybe he was right, I thought. I even told my mother about this and she told me the same. But she asked me to gently rotate the back of baby’s head with palms in circular motion. I did that daily and was trying to notice some changes daily but nothing. By this time, my baby girl started rolling over.

I was a lonely mother with no one for help. So, whenever I am alone, I just keep myself busy by reading the blogs, articlces and q&a. One day I came across an article which told about plagiocephaly(term for flat head as I came to know) leading to torticollis. I started reading it and got worried more. I immediately started working on my baby to read any signs of torticollis.

I let her sit upright and she would have her head tilted to her left shoulder. I was able to see her right side of the neck but not the left. I started analysing the photos that we have taken, most of them were same with her head tilted to the left. When she was on her tummy, I started showing the toys on her right and left side. I found that she was not able to turn her head to the left side instead she tried to turn her whole body to the left to see the toy. Again I told my worries to my husband, he listened but was not ready to accept that she had torticollis and so did my family. So I told him that I would bring it up in the 4th month doctor visit.

In the meantime, I told myself that she will be fine if I continue to make her turn her head to the left but she eventually figured out to pivot to the left which made me feel helpless. I couldn’t wait to see the doctor to hear his views and tell me that I am just an over protective mother but that was not the case. He agreed on both the flat head and torticollis. I was heart broken. The flat head was no more a bigger problem to me. After the diagnosis, my husband agreed too. The doctor gave us a exercise to improve her neck but we could never do it because she used to scream and looks her dad pleadingly to stop it. I was in tears every time we did that. We eventually stopped it as it was breaking both of our hearts. We got a reference to pediatric therapist from her pediatrician and immediately booked an appointment with him.

I was glad after coming from the first session itself. The therapist was so friendly and gentle. She cried(not screaming) for the first few times but gradually she progressed. Though it was not easy to hold a wriggling baby in the arms during the exercise, I was very very happy to see the neck of my dear girl. We kept doing it until she was 6 months old. And then we kept doing it whenever we saw her head tilted. It was more pronounced when she started sitting, crawling and walking. We also watched and adjusted her posture whenever needed. Especially when she started walking, she used to tumble down because of the tilt. When she mastered walking by the age of 12 months, we were the happy parents. We never had to do the exercises any more. We are so happy to see her long neck moving to the left and right without any signs of torticollis that she had. Our efforts came fruitful and am so glad about it. Now she runs and plays like all the kids. Watching her play in the swing and slider makes me remember that she is stronger than I can imagine.

I told my story here because no one in my family(mother side) believed that there is something called flat head and torticollis. Yeah, maybe if i was in India, even i wouldn’t have known about it. But people out there like me would have taken serious steps of prevention if ever known about this. I have provided some links which helped me through this situation. Being aware of what you are dealing with will help you. If you are reading this because you think that your baby has torticollis then don’t waste time. Get a diagnosis done by your pediatrician. If yes, then immediately get a good pediatric therapist reference and do the exercises they suggest. And torticollis is totally curable but it takes lot of time, effort and patience. How easy it would be to get our baby cured in just one day but thats not how it works sometime. It is so stressful for both the parents. Especially if the mom is a housewife then it is going to be even more stressful because in my case, I was depressed. Also remember, that the exercises are going to stress the baby too. Whenever I felt down before we started seeing the changes, my husband asks me only one thing, “how many people have you seen in your life with their head tilted?” and my answer was “No one”. So just do what you have to do and rest is assured that your baby will be alright.

And regarding the flat head, we were advised to place her on left side while sleeping since her right side was flat. It was less noticeable by the 6th month period and hence we let her sleep as she liked. Her head was completely rounded when she was 10 months.

So here is to all parents who has or going to have babies. If you ever suspect that your baby has some problem, don’t care about what others say. Trust your motherly instincts. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

Plagiocephaly: http://m.kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sleep/positional_plagiocephaly.html

Torticollis: http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/bones/torticollis.html

The above two articles helped me to understand about what I faced. I didn’t find anything new about these from other sites for my case. And trying to search for new details only depressed me. So don’t make that mistake. If your child is diagnosed for torticollis, then try to accept it and start the exercises instead of trying to find the cause. Finding the cause will make no difference. If you ever need more details, contact your pediatrician or the therapist. They are the right people to provide the assurance that you need.